The Lived Experience

By Carol Zernial on June 17th, 2020

We talk a lot about the importance of the lived experience. What happens throughout our lifetime shapes us; what happens to us matters. No two caregivers are alike, because they haven’t walked the same path in life; the persons for whom they are caring are different.

I have experienced sexism and ageism, but I have not lived a life where systemic racism was a part of my path. We all got a glimpse of that life and the ongoing pain of black Americans since the senseless death of George Floyd. I am having to unlearn what I thought I knew about being an American – much less about what it means to be a black American.

The noted speaker and educator, Leo Buscaglia, who taught the first course on “Love” at the University of Southern California, sold everything he owned to travel the world for several years. He met a wise Buddhist monk in Asia. Leo thought that his experiences across the globe meeting people from other cultures, different religions, and a variety of philosophies had changed him. He was excited to share what he had learned and the new person he had become with this kindred spirit, this master teacher. He talked as they walked together. The monk suddenly stopped, turned to him, and slapped him across the face, saying, “Don’t walk in my head with your dirty feet.”

In other words, Leo was not any more enlightened now than when he started. He had not become a new person simply because he was more aware of what was going on around him.

This is where I am. I have woken up to a reality I didn’t know or perhaps didn’t want to know existed. I am embarrassed that I didn’t. But like so many people, I now have raised awareness.

I write today to say that I can’t write about what it means to be a black caregiver in America. I don’t have the lived experience. For now, I can listen to those who are already fighting injustice, try to understand, and more importantly, decide which actions I can take. If we don’t get into the arena with those who are fighting, then we are no better than spectators at a juncture in time that demands that we show up and participate.

A recent opinion piece by Chris Sanders in the New York Times gave this advice to those of us who want to take action: give to an organization that is paying the legal fees of black people or to a black politician running for office; walk with a black protester to help keep that person safe; text your relatives and loved ones that you won’t be visiting until they take significant action to support black lives too.

We are in the process of rebuilding our communities from a pandemic and from systemic racism that must be addressed. As Gandhi famously said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

WellMed Charitable Foundation Executive Director Carol Zernial is a noted gerontologist, radio show host, and emeritus Chair of the National Council on Aging. The non-profit WellMed Charitable Foundation focuses on complimentary programs impacting seniors and family caregivers, including weekly telephone learning sessions, evidence-based classes on stress reduction and more. Find out more at CaregiverSOS.org or toll-free at 1-866-390-6491.