Looking for the Right Place for Our Loved Ones

By mivillarreal on July 1st, 2017

By Carol Zernial
WellMed Charitable Foundation Executive Director

Something has to change. After visiting seven assisted living and skilled nursing facilities in two days in the hopes of finding an appropriate living community for a vibrant but frail older relative this month, my sister and I wanted to run screaming for the doors. I have met other people who love the care that their relatives are receiving, and I can even name one nursing home that I think does a good job. But overall, our choices for long-term residential care are mostly dismal or cause for sticker shock. There’s very little in between.

I’ve talked about my relative who went through half a million dollars, his life savings, in about five years in a nursing home. He had a shared room, basically a twin bed that was more like a hammock, and a bedside table with a thin hospital curtain separating him from the same set up on the other side. He shared a bathroom with 3 other residents. Plush this was not. Nor warm, homelike or comfortable.

On the other hand, assisted living facilities are lovely. They promise the moon and cost the entire solar system. They were created to offer something less regulated and medical than nursing homes, but their fee structures charge for everything for which you need assistance beyond the meal and perhaps some housekeeping. That’s really not much help even with a call button answered in 5-12 minutes. One assisted living facility told us that our relative would have to pay around $325 per month to have someone escort her to the dining room in her walker or wheelchair. But the meal is included. Start adding medication assistance and other basics, and you are getting close to nursing home fees without eligibility for public financial assistance.

Assisted living are only private pay.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not opposed to residential care facilities. They are an important and necessary option, especially for families like mine where caring for my mother with Alzheimer’s at home was no longer appropriate. Right now, only about 5% of the elderly population are in any kind of facility. So most people are still at home.

There are emerging alternatives like “villages” and “beehives.” But these options don’t serve many low income, minority people. More and more older families are falling into low income and poverty status. The boomers are falling in after them following the tough economic times of the past decade.

So I worry about “normal” families. The less affordable or acceptable the options are for long-term care, the greater the burden on family caregivers.

The title of a session representing the United States at the recent world congress on aging probably said it best in their recommendation to other countries: Do we as say about long-term care, not as we do. I hope we can all listen.

WellMed Charitable Foundation Executive Director Carol Zernial is a noted gerontologist, radio show host, and Chair of the National Council on Aging. The non-profit WellMed Charitable Foundation focuses on complimentary programs impacting seniors and family caregivers, including weekly telephone learning sessions, evidence-based classes on stress reduction and more. Find out more at CaregiverSOS.org or toll-free at 1-866-390-6491.